A!ring Out The Laundry.

Wring, wring, wring, wring...

Just like turning the handle of a Jumping Jack, the parts of your life will come back.

Like bell bottom jeans, old flames, that bad chicken breast last night... (you can flush, but sometimes it ain't going any where).

You keep turning it and you know what's gonna happen. Turn it slowly.

Quarter crank "bing". Quarter more "dink". Little bit more "dong".

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

"Boom".

Just like turning the handle of a Jumpin Jack, the game is in your head!

Fl!p Side of Life.

Heads or Tails.

It's an easy game.

You pick heads or you take tails, flip the coin, if you choose the side that faces up you win.

Straight forward game unlike others in life.

Availability to play is key to this game. If you don't care to play but still do, it throws off the odds in winning.

And no one knows the score at the end.

Running Around Town W!th Annette.

9 times out of 10, you can't be in all places so we have to chose where to make our mark.

Whether it's sitting at the bar having a drink...

Carrying boxes from the car...

Getting directions...

Feeding the cats while away at a conference...

or...

Just being at the wrong place at the wrong time....

Someone won't be happy, just don't let it be you.

Just !n Time.

Not 15,768,000 minutes too soon.

If it was like just 15 million, then all hell probably broke loose for a bit or some shit happening.

Timing happens for a reason.

Maybe you're not ready yet.

Or that other life line that crosses yours is running behind so you have to wait.

Whatever it is, it's for a reason.

Like fate. Destiny. Serendipity. Or that bowel movement last Sunday that came out of nowhere in the department store.

Happy times ahead. Or no doubt 360 days from now.

Cloning The Good L!fe.

While sitting down by the lakeshore earlier this week, I've noticed a few things.

On a good smog (less) day, you can see the CN tower from a very long distance.

In this city of millions, there are a number of very beautiful females roaming the city on any given day. World class beauty.

The water.... is blue/brown/green-ish.

Horse crap is hard to get off your bike tires.

And there seems to be more smaller dogs than regular dogs. Seriously, why these small little dogs no bigger than a large rat? So small. Tiny.

What happened to a regular size dog. Like a german shepherd. Their not big dogs. They are regular sized. Perfect to walk around with.

Now to find the girl before I get the dog.

Down With The Old, !n With The New.

Apparently there is no time machine for the past, but you can bury it and dig it up later.

It's like lint in your belly button. Once in a while you pick at it. Sometimes you forget about it. But it is always there like magic.

So why make the past guide the present and wreck the future.

Let's all take some notes and learn something here.

1. Don't work outside on your friends car when there is a windchill of -50 degrees celcius.

2. Move your fingertip off the edge of the ruler when cutting with an x-acto knife.

3. A glue from a hot glue gun is hot, so tell your friends that before they put it on you.

4. College lesbian experimentation isn't always a phase.

5. Hold onto your handlebars, pavement may jump out at you without notice.

6. The blonde from Girlicious is hot as fuck - that was more of a fact than a lesson. They're also in town.

7. Change doesn't come easy or with age. So don't kick the shit out of it when it takes your toonie.

8. Girls are hard to understand. This one is an ongoing lesson.

9. Cougars are not better than kittens and kittens are not better than cougars.

10. Don't crap on the same pile, otherwise you can't blame it on someone else.

Every Story Deserves V!suals

When all else fails, people always want to see pictures of mayhem.

It's like driving on the highway and the rubber neckers slow down and stare at the accident - even though nothing is there to see.

Everyone wants a good story.

What's !nside That Counts

If a donkey has no tail and was in a 360 mirror room, would he be a bigger ass?

Breakfast of Champ!ons

Blue eggs and ham, that's what I am. I am.

Breakfast doesn't have to change. It can be made to be one of the constants in your life.

That is until eggs are outlawed and the extinction of oinkers. Although MacDonald's do have their alternative in a McMuffin.

As a little one, your mother probably made you some eggs and strips of bacon on a yellow plastic plate.

As you get older, you can still have those runny eggs and crispy hard bacon. Dry enough to make powder.

There is no reason to change the diet.

Same when you turn ten.

More when you hit twenty.

At thirty, why not treat yourself and have someone make it for you.

Don't forget the plate or you'll have a mess on your hands.

Hair Tr!gger

Without a doubt the world has enough problems. But how many do you have?

Late nights with no sleep?

Getting the shaft for the lack of an excuse called "work".

A lil thing called cell phone envy.

Rain turn sunny.

Sometimes all it takes to push you over the edge is an ant walking in front of you.