!t's good to be....

Bored.

Ignoring someone while they speak of sweet nothing.

And when I say nothing, it is nothing that can't be said later.

P!gs In A Blanket

If a man picks his nose in his car, will others think he's only scratching?

Is a penis with no balls as useless as if he was a big dick?

A dick by any other name an ass?

Knock. Knock. Who !s There? Home.

Yesterday I was a one man moving machine.

Take one double size mattress and box and frame, mount to top of suv and travel 75kms, switch with a single mattress and frame, shove it all inside said suv and travel back 77kms.

Damn Santa Claus parade blockade.

The moral of the story...

No matter where you go,

How far it is.

Or what happens inbetween...

It still feels like home.

Stand!ng Still

Yes it has been a while since a doodle as been sketched but you know, they never go away.

They do take coffee breaks...

Go on road trips...

Commit themselves into a mental institute...

Coma...

What can you say when the hand is too idle.

!n The Books.

Let's all celebrate me not getting crashed into for one whole year.

Strange enough that today it rains. It's Friday. It's chilly. The only difference is that no one thought they could make a left turn in front of me when I'm only three seconds away... crash into my driver side front corner... push me three feet to the left towards a stopped semi truck waiting at the lights and totally damaging both sides of my front end.

What have we learned?

Just because you have a set of week old winter tires it doesn't stop someone from crashing into you.

Just because it's dark and raining doesn't mean you have more time to make a left turn than if it was sunny and dry.

Just because you crash like this doesn't make air bags pop.

Thank you Chevy* for not making the SUV accelerate faster because she would have slammed directly into my door and these doodlez would not be here.

* The word Chevy can be substituted for any "fill in the blank" higher power.

Mak!n Ten

Lots can happen in ten years.

It's hard to believe my first real paying job started just ten years ago.

The publication that I help design officially turned ten years old a few weeks ago. I was so green back then. The girl that replaced my position made it so much better than where I took over that spot.

So much can happen over 3650 days....

People can have babies...

Get married...

Get divorced...

Start a new career...

Get engaged...

Meet new friends...

Lose old friends...

Total their vehicle...

Buy a house...

Change the world...

Call Me The W!nd

Sure some that know me will say I get particular... maybe concern myself with smaller details... I need to relax more... be easy breezy.

I will flow with the wind.

Move with the situation.

If the gas passes, I will bellow out with it.

When the outlines poke, I will ignore.

Take the cow with the milking.

Dream !n Color

Don't you hate it when you wake up at the good part?

At least not waking up all pissed off but a more pleasant, happier ending even if it didn't finish.

Maybe it will come true.

One Of These Th!ngs Just Don't Belong Here.

What happens when you have a big enough discussion where you shout back when someone tries to prove they're right and you are not.

When you know you are only doing what you are told.

Who tries to point out that this isn't what they wanted even though you know it is what you were shown the first time.

Where no matter what you do, it isn't right.

Why does it happen not once, twice, three times, four.... how many fingers do I have?

It's all in the head.

It also happens at 5:30 in the morning and you wake up from the dream because it bothers you so much. Because you know it's real. And it will happen again and again when you aren't sleeping.

!t's Okay To Stop When You Get Feedback.

There are people out there who should stop cleaning their ears when the Q-Tip can't push forward any more. Damage can really happen.

You push too far and you'll start wiping your ass.

Push pass the point of no return and you might talk faster than your brain will remember. Next thing you know you can't remember what you just said five minutes ago or five weeks ago.

When that happens. This is what we clinically call talking out of your ass.

Click. Cl!ck. Boom.

Happy Post-Thanksgiving.

Well if you live in Canada. Or celebrate giving.

And if your President didn't move that day back a few weeks because of whatever excuse.

Oh and if you like turkey. Or eating turkey. Or the stuffing. Or cranberrys. Or mash potatoes. Oh and the gravy, don't forget the gravy.

Mmmmm. Gravy.

Doodle !n Color

Doodles that come alive like when they recolored The Wizard of Oz except my little people were in porn.

The Doctor !s Out

Big brain fart or no finger control or blind or don't know numbers or ......

but I missed the premiere of House M.D. last night.

Craps sakes.

Ser!ously

Why are you having a hard time believing it. Don't make me prove it.

When !s Enough Enough

Whether you give people advise you don't listen to yourself or you talk and talk but don't listen to what you say, there's got to be a time when you have to realize something has to happen.

Dig in and take the grunt or keep going and then everyone will want to dig a hole and bury you.

Ground Hog Day Or Something L!ke It.

I think we all know someone that is stuck in that deja vu mode.

For example...

Someone asks you a question twice in the same day as if they didn't ask you the first time....

Or everytime you do the same process, someone comes up to you and tells you to do it a different way as if you have never done it before...

Maybe when someone notices something and they begin a conversation of how, what and where.

Then later on, as if the day re-wound, see it again and goes off a different how, what and where and not remembering the first time.

Kids, let's not do drugs out there.

Brought to you by the Commitee of a Sane Environment

Chang!ng Of The Guard

So I had a dream a few days a go that went like this is in one compact story.....

I was at a college reunion. Some how my ex was there with me. In the middle of the dream, we were under a blanket on a gi-nomous bed among other students analysing the music video of Johnny Cash's Walk the Line (I've never seen the video and don't think there were music videos back in his day when this song came out).

Next thing you know she goes to the washroom and I'm there alone when Jennifer Aniston slides over under the blanket - now we all know Jennifer's hot. I do think she looked better in the earlier-to-mid series of Friends where she had a little more shape and roundness in the face - but there she was with me under the blanket naked, yeah it does get that good, and we're nice and cozy.

Next thing I notice my ex walking towards the door and leaving and I'm still on the bed with Jennifer, naked still - let's take a moment there....

And then I wake up.... And yes there was some swearing when that happened.

__________

That's the background before I can do the actual post so we're on the same page on this one.
Karma and I are pretty good friends. If you don't know Karma, she's the bitch that's filled with sugar and will shove her army boot up your ass making a hole so big that King Kong Bundy can live in there if you start to stray.

We understand each other or I guess I understand her.

Karma does make the world go round, keeps everyone on an even keel. When you start to get out of line with your thoughts and motions, you're wake up call (or smothering pillow or severed horse head) will be there to let you know.

If everyone started to believe in Karma and her friend Destiny (another doodle for another day) I think the world would be a better place.

The guys shooting a dozen students would think twice if they knew that afterwards their life end with them falling naked in a pit of syringes over and over again to infinity.

Or Hitler would have a change of mind if he knew there was a grenade up his ass and would pop if he did anything more than play the board game Stratego.

Poking My Brain With a Q-T!p Through The Nose.

I'm gonna go to the drug store and start stealing all their allergy meds. Everyday I'm going to try a new one until I find one that works.

I've been on a three week lull it seems. My head is sooo cloudy that I can't think but it's getting better. There's doodles stuck and waiting to get out. I even posted earlier today so don't miss that one. I even have a few on the go.

Hopefully this will pass so I can get one with... existing.

Oh and one tip. Don't shove Q-Tips up your nose too far or you'll be taking a swab of your brain. Yes it does sound cool at first but then you'll start to smell the burnt toast and wonder why your toes are being tickled.

Let's be safe out there.

ps. If anyone is a pharmicist, let's be friends. Please.

If ! Fart In The Forest And No One Is Around, Will It Still Stink?

Do you ever get that feeling that people just don't get you.

Like this place for example. You might try and match the doodle with the title... or match the doodle with the posting... or match the title with the posting...

Don't worry, it all makes sense to me. It's really your little puzzle. Like an ink blot.

My title, doodle, or post will trigger something in you. Some of you will think they know what I'm talking about and you could be right, but unless I give you the Coles Notes you can read into it all you want.

Now back to the doodle. Yes there is one there. It just happens to not he seen, heard, or felt.

We all feel like that sometimes, right. Talk, talk, talk and talk and the other person just doesn't get it. You just get fed up and leave.

Let's Just F!le This Under "R" For Fucked Up

Almost half way through September and it's close to 13 degrees Celcius in the morning and night. This could make it tough to wear shorts til the end of October....

or mid December to get a full 6 months in this year.

Sleep!ing With The Enemy

Seriously. I should by stock in Shoppers Drug Mart.

I think I've tried in last few years about 6 different types of allergy pills.

It started because of a particular black cat and since then I think before and after the summer I get...

- Running nose. Sometimes I can tilt my head and my nose drains will drain to that side so I can have at least one working nostril.

- Clogged nose where I join the mouth breathing people. And squirting the tasty nasal drips up my nose until my brain squeals with joy.

- Red eyes because my eye sockets developed finger print marks that resemble my index finger.

- Really bad cough where you can lose your voice but a great way do develop the six-pack.

- Sore throat. Who knew water hurts.

What have we learned this time. Sneezing brings on the drips. Really tired before everything else started. You can still see road kill eyes. Swallow before you sneeze (or by stock in kleenex). Drugs don't work after using them for more than two days.

Next stop the drug store.

This post brought to you by the Commitee of Drug Don't Do Shit

! Love You.

Do we call this the good ol days before they start putting huge bright warning labels on on-the-shelf drugs?

Cus um... I probably should read the small caution print on the box before I buy.

At least I can blame the Sudafed... Benylin... or whatever the fuck it was for the morning nap at work the other day.

Ah fuck it, let's up it to three.

Never Waste A Minute Reconsidering Your Initial Line - Just Keep Underscoring !t Again and Again.

That's a good motto to have isn't it.

I'm making it mine after I saw this guy David Apatoff describing James Montgomery Flagg's drawing style.

That's how we roll people.

Str!ng Along

Time travel is funny.

Funny in that "ha ha" sense. If you could travel back in time...

Maybe you would zip back a few minutes to remember what you forgot or where the keys are.

Maybe zip back and realize which left turn you should have taken.

Maybe zip forward to skip commercials.

Maybe zip to a simpler time of the sweet suckle of milk.

Whichever one you would pick, do it with style.

Open Up Your Heart and Let the Sunshine !n

Ah the last long weekend of the summer.

The sun was very good to me today.

After helping my niece move into her downtown pad this afternoon I took a spin downtown.

It's was sunny...

It was hot but not too hot...

And the lovely XX chromosomes were in full force on the street.

Good gosh almighty you have to love downtown Toronto in the summer. It was like a bobblehead dog in a bad boss anomymous clinic.

"sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff" "sniff"

Play!ng With My Monkey

Okay so he's not a monkey but "playing with my panda" just doesn't have the same ring.

Now chicken nipple, that has a ring to it.

I can't say for sure if a monkey will do what another monkey will do but it's a good theory.

If we by-pass the whole evolution thoughts and doodles, humans and monkeys are pretty much the same, right?

A better question is, does monkey do what another monkey says?

Husband and wife: no.

Friend and friend: sometimes if the situation is right or if one is more right.

Prostitute and patron: Only if he/she has money.

Friend and new acquaintance: Yes, only because on has a hidden agenda.

Potty Tra!ning.

Now I can't remember when I started training. I heard on one morning show yesterday about parents starting at 18 months to 4 years.

I do remember the first day of kindergarden. Don't ask about the pictures.

I remember riding a horse when I was really small. Course I could had been ten... I was short when I grew up but let's just say I was really young.

Now as you get older, you learn to do thing. Such as lifting the seat, wiping yourself after #2, not poking a fork in the socket.

Now that you are older, you really hate certain people who sit by your desk explaining how to do your job like you just started.

Now that's a pain dirtier than a big chocolate dish of exlax.

One !s The Loneliest Number.

"Aachooo!"

sniff, sniff.

I hope it's just allergies.

Push !t Until It Breaks...

Everything in life is conditional...

you just have to anticipate the conditions.

It's That Chewy Center Goodness

Unwrap yourself and find some goodness to spread.

!t Is What It Is.

Let me explain this. This will be the next big thing.

Mark my words.

As you may have noticed above this lovely poultry is some big nipples. Just for the record, in case you didn't know, chickens are not born with them. (But if you see chickens with nipples in your area, let me know)

This feathered friend has them but they are useless.

Why?

Well chickens don't have lips. Lil chicks don't suckle their mother. Chickens have hard beaks and pretty sure the nipples would be snipped off faster an eunuch can say ouch.

That is why "chicken nipples are useless!"

Which is why when you see someone crossing a 5-lane highway, they would be considered a chicken nipple.

That co-worker who lingers around your cubicle taking 30 minutes to give 5 minutes of information, a chicken nipple.

Trying to rob a nun of worldly posessions and not knowing they have no funds, a chicken nipple.

The dude that that keeps pushing the button that gives off electrical shocks and wonders why the food doesn't come out, king chicken nipple.

No matter if they sell chicken nipples for 5 cents a dozen, they are still useless.

You will start to notice them all around you.

Spread the word!

T!mber.

That black pit called a book store.

Do you have a collection of books that haven't been read yet?

My future library room thanks me.

R!ng Around the Rosy

The world goes round...

A football spins...

The toilet even rotates clockwise when you flush... or is it counter-clockwise? It's one way or the other depending on if you're half way around the world or not.

If you look carefully some of the people around you go 'round & 'round without realizing it.

Unlike the whole 3 steps forward, 2 steps back style. They think their smarter than everyone else.

Smarter because they are moving forward, making different decisions every day but really stuck in the loop.

Like how your dad's ugly old clothes are now retro geek-sheek.

Tetr!s On My Mind

Tetris, Tetris.

The Whole day through

Just an old sweet twist

Keeps Tetris on my mind.


Okay so the song doesn't really go like that but the virus is back.

I just installed Tetris on my ipod and it's great. I haven't played it very much over the last decade because, like Jerry Seinfeld, I choose not to play.

Just to let you onto a secret.....

I am the best Tetris player around.

When I first started playing back in the late 80's, the disease was deep inside. I had dreams of the blocks rotating and dropping.

I even played the sequel where the blocks dropped in a cylinder rather a flat wall.

It was really bad.

If I'm not at work tomorrow you will know where I'll be.

By the way... I just finished 40 lines in just over 5 minutes on the pod. That's half the time of my first game after installing this morning.

!nstant Relief

Staples Business Depot has the Easy button. You click it and "bam" instant solution.

Well I don't think it really works. I've beaten the one on my desk at work near death and nuthin'.

Oh and if you find a key on your keyboard that looks like the one above, don't bother tapping it. It don't work.

Dogs Do !t.

I'm sure others do it to if they are completely flexible but those not, well they have to leave the house for it.

But please, ask before you bend over to smell their ass.

Nothing Else Ruins the Truth Like Stretching !t

"dumm, dum, duh"...

That's how that famous standard murder mystery theme goes right?

I don't know, I don't have an ear for music notes.

Like most mysteries, truths are revealed later on.

When !'m 64

Okay I know the balloon doesn't say 64, but the song title isn't When I'm 29.

If you can live with the ozone layer shrinkin', I'm sure you can live with this.

The Bra!n Works Afterall... Who Knew

Now I remember what the post was. It came to me while I was talking about balls to the wall.

It was about making time for opportunity.

Take time to smell the roses...

Slow down and stop on the yellow light and smile at the hot chick in the car next to you. And if she doesn't have her boyfriend sitting next to her, ask for her number...

Ask the girl who is in the produce section picking out honey melons if she needs help squeezing them.... or not. Maybe it's better to just ask if she needs help.

Email that girl if she wants to go to the exhibition this year since it didn't work out last year...

Help that elderly lady cross the street... then hope she has a grand daughter that's single...

Ever wonder about that girls that runs in the neighborhood, well try running for more than five minutes so you can chase after her when you see her and then pass out in front of her... pray she knows cpr

B!te Me.

The Ante-Christ was telling me one day about how life's little problems can be solved one way.


Basically, even if the only thing left is a bruised apple, eat the bruises up too cus it will only make you stronger.


Or, in other words, balls to the wall.

Const!pated

Damn It!

I had a thought earlier today and now I've been sitting for the last 10 minutes trying to remember. I remember my title...

It isn't about how to keep your tires nice and liquid shiny.... but if you want to know, the new Turle Wax wipe on gel is great.

Nor is it about latent anger. Although someone would say I have plenty, there have only been a few times in the last 10 months that it lingers past the drive home. It's more about venting though.

Was it about the finale of Hell's Kitchen. Nope.

Oh for crap sakes. I don't remember.

Through The Look!ng Glass.

Is the grass greener or did I say that before?

A long time ago, I was talking to a friend about work.

He said that work is always busy, always things to do, never time to yourself.

I couldn't figure out how work can always be like that. Never having a moment to take a second and breathe.

That was until I started working there.

Even when work is slow, time seems to suck life out of you and still not find the time to smell the roses.

That Was Then And This !s Now.

"Okay, see my big mistake is.. I listen to you.

Then you change.

I don't change.

I only change for you.

You know, I'm over here and you're over there. So I go over there and I get there and you're somewhere else. Then I'm at the wrong place for no reason.

And you know what.

It's really not my fault."

- Paul Buchman, Mad About You

!t's How I Roll

At a flip of a wrist (or twinkle of the eye) we make a choice but it doesn't mean it works out the way we imagined.

You bet on red and black wins.

Leave a minute early and save yourself a rock hitting your windshield.

Butterflys stir, then the other boot drops.

Life is a crap shoot.

Let !t Out

When you lay dormate the time will come to just give at 'er.

Gett!ng On The Same Page

Ever get stuck on the bus or subway and you are brushed up against the next person reading the paper?

Next thing you know you're reading over the guys shoulder. The shitty part is when he flips the page and you haven't finished your article.

It relates to life. You wish you were on the same page with people but it ends up half a page behind.

Up !n Smoke

When you're lost on the road and you know it, do you drive faster to the place you know is wrong just to get to the right place on time?

I do that some times.

What if you go as fast as you can to the right destination...

do you look back?

W!nd It Up!

It's funny when the smallest things can get under your skin.


It could be something like finding short & curlies by the urninal...

Waiting in line at Tim Horton's for a twenty pack of TimBits while watching the cars outside moving along...

Seeing your boss count the weekend as two extra days off when you only take Thursday and Friday...

Life is funny.

Com!ng or Go!ng?

It's hard to know sometimes.

And harder to sort it out.

You Talk Your Way, !'ll Talk Right!

'Nuff Said.